How to patao ladkis in college

This will be a short post coz i'm really having to restrict my writing to not 'hurt' certain sensitive readers..

Its our biggest mystery, something we havn't yet figured out in the 6 years that our college has survived..
Before coming here, i too like a lot others thought that with my decent sense of humour etc i would be an absolute lady killer in college, only to realize later 1 day that i've developed homosexual tendencies(that was when me and my roomie went to sleep on different beds but woke up on the same!!..haha lol kidding, 'we're just friends!!'..haha)!!..
it is panic situation, and red alert i must declare..
if you've ever felt like me, this post is your comprehensive guide to patao-ing the ladkis!!..take my advice, and tomorrow morning will be the finest morning of your life..for you will wake up feeling a new man, not feelikg like one!!..(like i said, gay tendencies!!)

*Be a dude, not a dud!!..to quote the TV commercial by Intel, "Our superheroes are a little different from your superheroes!!"..the dudes with wet oil-drenched hair, the 'i'm a suck up' smile and the i-want-nothing-but-ladisss attitude..i mean who can resist a guy showing off his chest hair, combing his hair whenever a female approaches, manage to be called 'sir' by a bunch of ass licking juniors and feel proud about it and at the same time be the boss of a group of other 'dude' chamchas!!..that's what our dudes are like!!
*learn the lingo!!..most of us don't need to improvise much on this part but for the one's who do, look using words like fuck, balls, ass, considered common and obvious terms of expression of feeling is suicidal!!..however, words like 'tagda' and 'todu' or even khatarnaak are complately acceptable, even adorable!!
*get those clothes!!:..t-shirts are a complete no-no, not even on a sunday morning..donate all your clothes to sankalp and rush to chowra rasta and get those spacy formal shirts(pink, orange or yellow ideally), those which show more than enough of your chest hair..add to that bell-bottom pants and shoes(yes chappals is again a strict no-no) and you know you're dressed to kill!!..clothes maketh a man, we believe in this more than anywhere else!
*Be an academic pimp: if you aren't a slogging(not smart, no1's smart here) cookie scoring big in exams, being an academic pimp is a healthy alternative!!!...arrange notes for the ladies, arrange some slogging pigs to teach the ladies, and always reserve chairs for them in the LTs at lectures..just make your presence felt academically, however you do that..also, being part of a lameass project you have no clue about is a perfect launchpad..also, become an active member of the various puja and spiritual clubs we have in college, won't take names!!
*First date: one thing we don't believe is that 'a lot can happen over coffee'..no a 'lot' can happen only when there's a 'lot' of butter in the butter paneer while you eat amidst a 'lot' of people in a crowded Tadka!!..that's where we believe dates must happen!!.. Tadka offers a very romantic soothing experience, just what the to be brides and grooms can ask for..stuff enough rotis so your burps and farts can make up for any awkward silence there might be on your way back to college..also, burping just before you're about the seal the night with a kiss is extremely important..for they say the first kiss tells a woman all she needs to know about their relationship..she'll know its healthy!!!
*and most important of all:you must post negative comments on blogs like these to show your ignorance to college happenings and remain innocent!!
(i'll update depending on suggestions)